1. Spending weeks and weeks and possibly a HUNDRED hours knitting and ripping out and re-knitting to get a sweater absolutely PERFECT, just EXACTLY the way it should be, and then having people look at the finished product and say, "Wow! Nice buttons!" I wonder if the people who hand-make natural wood or glass buttons ever have people say, "Wow! Nice sweater!" How are you supposed to respond? People are complimenting the only part of the craft that you DIDN'T create lovingly with your own hands.
2. Air travel. There are so many instructions, most of which are total crap. "Please arrive three hours to ensure that you are able to get through security before the plane boards." Total nonsense! What you mean is, "Please arrive three hours early so we can torment you for an hour and you can sit and be bored and get an upset stomach for two hours." (After all, there's nothing like being packed into a sardine-can full of flatulent people, amiright? I think they count on the buoyancy of gas to save jet fuel. I've been on some flights where the only reason to even start the engines was to make sure we floated in the desired direction.) "In case of emergency, secure your own mask, then assist others." Have these people been in a mall lately? They DO realize they're talking to the "ME! ME! ME!" Generation, right? "In case of a water landing, your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device." Indeed! Because, when the sardine can is falling thirty thousand feet while rattling its contents (me included) like maracas, drowning was what I was most worried about.
3. The freakin' COST of air travel! Last I checked, it was about three hundred dollars to hop on a flight from Richmond, VA, to Albany, NY (or maybe it was round-trip). I wonder how many people are on those flights. Fifty? Seventy-five? If we assume fifty, then the airline is grossing about $15,000 for that flight. Do you mean to tell me that jet fuel and other overhead are so expensive that, for three hundred dollars, I can't get the room to STRAIGHTEN my KNEES so they aren't hopelessly locked and 'scrutiating painful by the time we land?
4. People who are married to their phone script. I have the following conversation fairly often:
Person answering phone: Hello?
Me: Hi, this is J______ Mixx_____. Is (name of person I want to talk to) there?
Person answering phone: I believe he is. May I tell him who is calling, please?
One of these days, I'll get up the nerve to say, "No, I'd like to surprise him." Or maybe just, "Sure, it's okay with me."
Funny; I thought this would be a longer post. Apparently I can decrease my foundation garment rotation by 50% simply by deciding to drive, walk, sail, or ride a camel whenever I need to travel.
Nah. I'll think of more later. I'm not up to Full Snark today, that's all.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Tigers and Stingrays and Flying!
I am just back from a week-long vacation. The first six days I spent in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina; the last two days I spent in Flat Rock, North Carolina. Both were wonderful. I would highly recommend Myrtle Beach for vacation, except that I "accidenty eeted it," as they would say on the Cheezburger network. I ate WAY too much on vacation; crab legs, steak, ice cream, cookies... Both of the places I stayed had kitchens, so I mostly cooked and ate there, except when I didn't. I discovered that the Carolinas have plenty of Ryan'ses (a buffet restaurant with yeast rolls that are wonderful) and Sonics (the drive-in with the decadent limeades, to which they will add vanilla ice cream and whip you up a drink/dessert that is awful! Awful! for the diet). I ate lunch at Ryan's once, and Sonic twice. Sonic's being a drive-in was also convenient, because I took my puppy, Echo, with me on vacation.
If that last clause there didn't ring any alarm bells for you, then you should go back and read my first blog entry, "This Is Not a Country Music Song." Go on! I'll wait.
Okay, so now you are asking, "What is wrong with you? Why would you take a wild, uninhibited, mannerless puppy on a vacation? Didn't you want to relax?" My reply is that I don't know everything that is wrong with me, but Echo is three months older now than she was then, and I hoped she would settle down and let me relax (at least for two minutes!). Besides which, other than Echo I was going on vacation alone, and who wants to do that? Canine company is better than no company, and sometimes is better than people-company.
It turned out that Echo has matured enough in the last three months that she was Very Good during the trip. She slept most of the time in the car; when she needed to "go potty," she sat up, stared at me, and patted my arm with one paw. At the hotel/cottage, she had to stay alone, crated, when I went out to do things; the people at both places complimented me on how well-behaved she was. If they were truthful, she wiggled, whined, and yipped a little only when they had to go in the room. Most importantly, she was good company!
On Monday, I slept late, relaxed, and did some shopping, both for groceries and for gifts and souvenirs. I took a swim in the hotel pool, and soaked in the hot tub. On Tuesday morning, the fire alarm at the hotel went off at 7 AM. I had been up until 4 AM watching late-night cable TV. I don't have cable at home, so it was something different to see all the nutty stuff that is on late-night cable now. Being awakened by the blaring alarm, and having to stagger outside carrying Echo, after only three hours of sleep, was something different too, but I could have done without that part. I went back to bed as soon as they quieted the (mercifully FALSE) alarm, and slept much later than I planned. With uncharacteristic good luck, it turned out that the tigers would be at Preservation Station from 4:00 PM until 9:00 PM that day. So, I went out and saw three 1 1/2-year-old tigers playing, got my picture taken with a young white Bengal tiger and a young white-faced gibbon, the "animal ambassadors" of the day, and pet the baby tiger for a few minutes. The Preservation Station is in the middle of a group of cute little shops, so of course I went shopping too. Then, back in my suite at the hotel, I made steak and watched the Chicago Blackhawks trounce the Philadelphia Dirty Bastards (on their way to their first Stanley Cup since 1961, thank you very much!)
I made an appointment to go parasailing on Wednesday, but, due to the weather, it didn't work out. Thunderstorms (actually, the lightning) prevented parasailing, so I took a brief walk on the beach before the storm got going, went shopping (surprise!) and got a henna tattoo of a snake on my left shoulder. Since I wanted to go to the aquarium while I was there, and it was going to rain most of the afternoon, I decided to make Wednesday aquarium day. I got lots of film of the sharks, rays, fish, and eels.
On Thursday, I got to go parasailing, finally; it was GREAT! I hope I can do that again before too long. As fascinated as I've always been with flying, it was probably as close as I'll get without learning to skydive or hang-glide (and I might just be too chicken to try those!). I stopped at Ryan's after leaving the beach, mainly for the rolls, then went to the Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum; hokey, but not a bad way to spend a vacation afternoon.
On Friday I had to leave Myrtle Beach for Flat Rock; on my way out of town, I took Echo to the Barc Parc. The day was cloudy with intermittent showers, so there weren't many other people or dogs there, but there were enough dogs for Echo to get to meet a couple. A playful CKC spaniel scared her, trying to play with her, but she had warmed up to a three-month-old Chihuahua pup by the time we had to leave. It's funny to me that she is so friendly and social, even bossy, with people, but so scared of, and submissive with, other dogs, even small ones. After the Barc Parc, we left to drive out to western NC.
When I pulled into the driveway of the Cottages at Flat Rock, I took one look at the property, and the cottage I had rented, and every pore in my body relaxed with a deep sigh. The cottage had a full kitchen, living room, bedroom, and bath, as well as a screened porch/deck that overlooked the stream at the back of the property. When I got there, the temperature was in the mid-60's, so I didn't bother to turn on the air conditioning, but just opened all the windows. Except for the gurgling of the stream, and the calls of birds, it was so quiet. I slept great.
When I got up in the morning, it was time to go to the Blue Ridge Book Fair at the Blue Ridge Community College. I got to meet my favorite author, Joshilyn (say "Jossalin") Jackson, and buy her new book, "Backseat Saints," even before the official release date. Also got her to sign the book, and hung around and talked with her (when she wasn't "speaking," at which times I sat in the audience, realizing that, despite my earlier fantasies that I might someday write a novel, I am NOT a novelist!) While I was there, I put the finishing touches on the market bag I knitted for her and gave it to her. She is a very gracious, and open, lady.
The day after that, I had to drive home to Glen Allen, a LONG drive. It was a good vacation.
If that last clause there didn't ring any alarm bells for you, then you should go back and read my first blog entry, "This Is Not a Country Music Song." Go on! I'll wait.
Okay, so now you are asking, "What is wrong with you? Why would you take a wild, uninhibited, mannerless puppy on a vacation? Didn't you want to relax?" My reply is that I don't know everything that is wrong with me, but Echo is three months older now than she was then, and I hoped she would settle down and let me relax (at least for two minutes!). Besides which, other than Echo I was going on vacation alone, and who wants to do that? Canine company is better than no company, and sometimes is better than people-company.
It turned out that Echo has matured enough in the last three months that she was Very Good during the trip. She slept most of the time in the car; when she needed to "go potty," she sat up, stared at me, and patted my arm with one paw. At the hotel/cottage, she had to stay alone, crated, when I went out to do things; the people at both places complimented me on how well-behaved she was. If they were truthful, she wiggled, whined, and yipped a little only when they had to go in the room. Most importantly, she was good company!
On Monday, I slept late, relaxed, and did some shopping, both for groceries and for gifts and souvenirs. I took a swim in the hotel pool, and soaked in the hot tub. On Tuesday morning, the fire alarm at the hotel went off at 7 AM. I had been up until 4 AM watching late-night cable TV. I don't have cable at home, so it was something different to see all the nutty stuff that is on late-night cable now. Being awakened by the blaring alarm, and having to stagger outside carrying Echo, after only three hours of sleep, was something different too, but I could have done without that part. I went back to bed as soon as they quieted the (mercifully FALSE) alarm, and slept much later than I planned. With uncharacteristic good luck, it turned out that the tigers would be at Preservation Station from 4:00 PM until 9:00 PM that day. So, I went out and saw three 1 1/2-year-old tigers playing, got my picture taken with a young white Bengal tiger and a young white-faced gibbon, the "animal ambassadors" of the day, and pet the baby tiger for a few minutes. The Preservation Station is in the middle of a group of cute little shops, so of course I went shopping too. Then, back in my suite at the hotel, I made steak and watched the Chicago Blackhawks trounce the Philadelphia Dirty Bastards (on their way to their first Stanley Cup since 1961, thank you very much!)
I made an appointment to go parasailing on Wednesday, but, due to the weather, it didn't work out. Thunderstorms (actually, the lightning) prevented parasailing, so I took a brief walk on the beach before the storm got going, went shopping (surprise!) and got a henna tattoo of a snake on my left shoulder. Since I wanted to go to the aquarium while I was there, and it was going to rain most of the afternoon, I decided to make Wednesday aquarium day. I got lots of film of the sharks, rays, fish, and eels.
On Thursday, I got to go parasailing, finally; it was GREAT! I hope I can do that again before too long. As fascinated as I've always been with flying, it was probably as close as I'll get without learning to skydive or hang-glide (and I might just be too chicken to try those!). I stopped at Ryan's after leaving the beach, mainly for the rolls, then went to the Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum; hokey, but not a bad way to spend a vacation afternoon.
On Friday I had to leave Myrtle Beach for Flat Rock; on my way out of town, I took Echo to the Barc Parc. The day was cloudy with intermittent showers, so there weren't many other people or dogs there, but there were enough dogs for Echo to get to meet a couple. A playful CKC spaniel scared her, trying to play with her, but she had warmed up to a three-month-old Chihuahua pup by the time we had to leave. It's funny to me that she is so friendly and social, even bossy, with people, but so scared of, and submissive with, other dogs, even small ones. After the Barc Parc, we left to drive out to western NC.
When I pulled into the driveway of the Cottages at Flat Rock, I took one look at the property, and the cottage I had rented, and every pore in my body relaxed with a deep sigh. The cottage had a full kitchen, living room, bedroom, and bath, as well as a screened porch/deck that overlooked the stream at the back of the property. When I got there, the temperature was in the mid-60's, so I didn't bother to turn on the air conditioning, but just opened all the windows. Except for the gurgling of the stream, and the calls of birds, it was so quiet. I slept great.
When I got up in the morning, it was time to go to the Blue Ridge Book Fair at the Blue Ridge Community College. I got to meet my favorite author, Joshilyn (say "Jossalin") Jackson, and buy her new book, "Backseat Saints," even before the official release date. Also got her to sign the book, and hung around and talked with her (when she wasn't "speaking," at which times I sat in the audience, realizing that, despite my earlier fantasies that I might someday write a novel, I am NOT a novelist!) While I was there, I put the finishing touches on the market bag I knitted for her and gave it to her. She is a very gracious, and open, lady.
The day after that, I had to drive home to Glen Allen, a LONG drive. It was a good vacation.
Monday, June 7, 2010
What I Am Expecting Next (TTO "On Top of Old Smokey")
On top of my nog-gin,
Where there's supposed to be hair,
I found a new thin spot
That didn't used to be there.
I know I am ol-der,
And going to change,
But since I'm a woman,
I thought it was strange.
At first I was wor-ried
About losing my hair
Then I looked in the tub drain
And, lo, it was there.
I'm not a great beauty,
But it seems I am vain,
I don't want a bald spot
Or stock in Rogaine.
I tried a comb-over,
And a pony-tail,
A big hat to cover,
But they all did fail.
So now I'm adop-ting
A troubled teen-ager
"I pulled it all out"
They'll believe me, I wager.
Where there's supposed to be hair,
I found a new thin spot
That didn't used to be there.
I know I am ol-der,
And going to change,
But since I'm a woman,
I thought it was strange.
At first I was wor-ried
About losing my hair
Then I looked in the tub drain
And, lo, it was there.
I'm not a great beauty,
But it seems I am vain,
I don't want a bald spot
Or stock in Rogaine.
I tried a comb-over,
And a pony-tail,
A big hat to cover,
But they all did fail.
So now I'm adop-ting
A troubled teen-ager
"I pulled it all out"
They'll believe me, I wager.
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