Stuff That Makes Me Twist Up and Say, "Urrrarrrrgh!!"

1. Spending weeks and weeks and possibly a HUNDRED hours knitting and ripping out and re-knitting to get a sweater absolutely PERFECT, just EXACTLY the way it should be, and then having people look at the finished product and say, "Wow! Nice buttons!" I wonder if the people who hand-make natural wood or glass buttons ever have people say, "Wow! Nice sweater!" How are you supposed to respond? People are complimenting the only part of the craft that you DIDN'T create lovingly with your own hands.

2. Air travel. There are so many instructions, most of which are total crap. "Please arrive three hours to ensure that you are able to get through security before the plane boards." Total nonsense! What you mean is, "Please arrive three hours early so we can torment you for an hour and you can sit and be bored and get an upset stomach for two hours." (After all, there's nothing like being packed into a sardine-can full of flatulent people, amiright? I think they count on the buoyancy of gas to save jet fuel. I've been on some flights where the only reason to even start the engines was to make sure we floated in the desired direction.) "In case of emergency, secure your own mask, then assist others." Have these people been in a mall lately? They DO realize they're talking to the "ME! ME! ME!" Generation, right? "In case of a water landing, your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device." Indeed! Because, when the sardine can is falling thirty thousand feet while rattling its contents (me included) like maracas, drowning was what I was most worried about.

3. The freakin' COST of air travel! Last I checked, it was about three hundred dollars to hop on a flight from Richmond, VA, to Albany, NY (or maybe it was round-trip). I wonder how many people are on those flights. Fifty? Seventy-five? If we assume fifty, then the airline is grossing about $15,000 for that flight. Do you mean to tell me that jet fuel and other overhead are so expensive that, for three hundred dollars, I can't get the room to STRAIGHTEN my KNEES so they aren't hopelessly locked and 'scrutiating painful by the time we land?

4. People who are married to their phone script. I have the following conversation fairly often:

Person answering phone: Hello?
Me: Hi, this is J______ Mixx_____. Is (name of person I want to talk to) there?
Person answering phone: I believe he is. May I tell him who is calling, please?

One of these days, I'll get up the nerve to say, "No, I'd like to surprise him." Or maybe just, "Sure, it's okay with me."

Funny; I thought this would be a longer post. Apparently I can decrease my foundation garment rotation by 50% simply by deciding to drive, walk, sail, or ride a camel whenever I need to travel.

Nah. I'll think of more later. I'm not up to Full Snark today, that's all.